Category Archives: Mental Health

Unmasking Ghosts: How to Banish Resentments and Reclaim Joy

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Today is Halloween and as I look at all the creative costumes on parade, my thoughts reflect on my first costume as a child. I’m probably dating myself, but it was Casper the Friendly Ghost. That was a long time ago, but this time of year our thoughts tend to turn to ghosts and ghouls that haunt the night for trick or treat. However, there’s a different kind of ghost that can linger in our lives that’s not so friendly but can be creative in the stories it weaves. These phantoms go about stealing our joy and casting a shadow over our present—these are the ghosts of past resentments. Much like the eerie specters that haunt old mansions, these resentments can be elusive, persistent, and downright spooky. So let’s explore how to exorcise these ghosts from our lives and embrace the light of joy. Here are some tips:

  1. Identify the Ghosts: Just as ghost hunters use special tools to detect paranormal activity, we can equip ourselves to identify the resentments that lurk in the shadows of our minds. Reflect on past experiences that still evoke negative emotions. Are there unresolved conflicts or lingering grudges? These are the ghosts that need to be confronted.
  2. Shine Light on the Shadows: Ghosts thrive in darkness, and so do resentments. It’s time to shine a light on these hidden emotions. Acknowledge the pain and hurt, and allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment. Bringing them into the light lessens their power over your psyche.
  3. Confront the Ghosts: Ghosts lose their potency when confronted head-on. Similarly, facing your resentments is crucial for letting go. If possible, communicate your feelings with the person involved or seek closure within yourself. Confrontation doesn’t always mean direct interaction; it can also be a personal acknowledgment and acceptance.
  4. Use Ghost-busting Techniques: Employ ghost-busting techniques to banish these lingering spirits. Practice forgiveness, not for the benefit of others, but for your own peace of mind. Visualize releasing the resentment like releasing a ghost from a haunted house. Engage in mindfulness, meditation, or faith-building practices to create mental space for positivity and peace.
  5. Build a Protective Barrier: Once you’ve cleared your mental space, it’s essential to build a protective barrier against future haunting. Establish healthy boundaries in your relationships and learn to let go of minor grievances. Focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past grievances.
  6. Create a Joyful Séance: Just as a séance is a gathering to communicate with spirits, create a positive gathering in your life to commune with the living. Surround yourself with supportive friends, engage in activities that bring you joy, and foster a sense of gratitude. Joyful experiences act as a shield against the ghosts of resentment.

Whether you celebrate Halloween or not, don’t let the ghosts of past resentments continue to haunt your present. Embrace the ghost-busting techniques, confront the shadows, and create a protective barrier against future haunting. By releasing these specters, you’ll discover a newfound sense of lightness and joy in your life. As the ghosts fade away, you’ll be free to enjoy the festivities of life without the chains of resentment weighing you down. And if you need a little more help, don’t be afraid to reach out to a licensed therapist for additional support or guidance. Be safe, and may your days be filled with joy!

Love, Loyalty, and Longevity: 4 Lessons from ‘Queen Charlotte’ on Enduring Love

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If you haven’t yet seen the Netflix series Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story, I highly recommend checking it out before reading this post. I just recently finished watching the captivating drama and was enthralled by the complexities of the characters and the myriad of timely topics addressed. Marriage, friendship, loneliness, responsibility, loyalty, love, family, and mental illness are among some of the issues depicted. As a marriage and family therapist, wife, and mother, I was particularly drawn to the portrayal of enduring love through many of life’s challenges.

In a world dominated by fleeting connections and temporary romances, the concept of long-term relationships can seem like an anomaly. However, this fictional story based on the historical wife of King George III, Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, provides a fascinating portrayal of the challenges and joys that can arise from enduring partnerships. Through the lens of this enchanting period drama, we delve into the realities and rewards of long-term relationships and discover why they are truly worth cherishing. Here are four lessons we can learn.

  1. There Will Be Storms: As we immerse ourselves in the vibrant world of “Queen Charlotte,” we witness the tumultuous journey of many different relationships. The show highlights the importance of weathering the storms together, demonstrating that greater wisdom is often on the other side of the storm and lasting partnerships require resilience and support. When Queen Charlotte says to King George, “Hide from the heavens with me,” she is compassionately reminding him of their safe space together as they battle life’s storms.
  2. Vulnerability Creates Intimacy: Perhaps one of the most profound aspects of long-term relationships is the trust and vulnerability that comes with time. “Queen Charlotte” exemplifies this beautifully, as characters gradually unveil their deepest fears, desires, and insecurities to each other. It is through this vulnerability that true intimacy is achieved, fostering a bond that withstands the test of time. When King George reveals his fears to his bride by saying “I’m half a man, half a king…” Queen Charlotte replies “If what we have is half then we shall make it the very best half.”
  3. Shared Memories and Traditions Build Connection: Long-term relationships are often built upon a foundation of shared memories and traditions, providing a sense of continuity and belonging. In “Queen Charlotte,” we see characters cherishing and preserving their history through traditions, celebrations, and shared experiences. These bonds enrich the relationship and create a tapestry of moments that can be revisited and cherished for years to come. As Young Brimsley states, “It is Coronation Day. It does not matter if they speak, they must be united.”
  4. Love Is A Choice: In the words of Queen Charlotte, “Love is not a thing one is able or not able to do based on some magic. Some chemistry. That is for plays. Love is determination. Love is a choice one makes.” In long-term relationships, this choice is made daily. In healthy relationships this choice is born of little and big victories, commitment, kindness, compassion, grace, forgiveness, shared joys, and pain, vulnerabilities exchanged and honored, laughter, and a lifetime of saying yes to the work and rewards of love.

Enduring love, as depicted in “Queen Charlotte,” reveals some of the realities and rewards of lasting partnerships. As we witness the triumphs, setbacks, and unwavering commitment of the characters, we are reminded that love is not always easy but it can be undeniably worth fighting for. By weathering storms, unveiling vulnerabilities, nurturing shared memories and traditions, and choosing love daily, we can build profound and fulfilling connections that stand the test of time. Just as “Queen Charlotte” has captivated audiences with its rich portrayal of relationships, real-life long-term partnerships hold the potential for a love story that transcends time.

 

Top 5 Tips for Balancing Goal-Setting and Your Mental Health

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It’s a new year! And, if you’re like many people, you might be reflecting on 2022 and setting new resolutions and goals for 2023. Interestingly, the practice of making resolutions dates back to ancient times, when people would make vows to the gods at the start of the new year to bring good fortune in the year ahead. Now, it’s become common practice to make promises to ourselves or set goals at the beginning of a new year to improve some aspect of our lives.

While this can be a great way to make positive changes in your life, it’s important to approach goal-setting in a way that is healthy and sustainable. This is especially true when it comes to our mental health, which can be deeply affected by the way we set and pursue our goals.

One of the keys to successful goal-setting is to make sure your goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. This helps to ensure that your goals are clear and achievable, rather than vague or unrealistic. It can also be helpful to break larger goals down into smaller, more manageable steps. Focusing on one day at a time, one task, and one moment instead of looking at the whole year also helps to make achieving your goals more enjoyable and less overwhelming.

However, it’s important not to get so caught up in the pursuit of achieving the goals that you lose sight of the lessons in the process. It’s okay to make mistakes or have setbacks along the way. What we may preserve as a mistake or setback can be a valuable opportunity to learn and grow. It’s important to be kind to yourself and recognize that progress takes time. Remember to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem, and take breaks when needed.

It’s also important to prioritize your mental health when setting goals. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, it may be helpful to take a step back and reassess your goals. It’s okay to adjust your goals, practice relaxation, and perhaps speak with a therapist. It’s important to remember that self-care is a crucial part of achieving your goals and maintaining good mental health.

There are many different ways to prioritize your mental health when setting goals. Some strategies include:

  • Setting goals that align with your values and priorities
  • Being realistic about what you can achieve and how much time it will take
  • Setting aside time for relaxation and self-care
  • Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist
  • Being flexible and willing to adjust your goals as needed

It’s no doubt that goal-setting can be a powerful tool for making positive changes in your life. Prioritizing your mental health is key to achieving your goals and living a fulfilling life. Remember to be kind to yourself, set specific and achievable goals, and prioritize self-care and relaxation. And if you need additional support from a mental health professional I’m here to help. Just give my office a call at 818-806-9170. With these strategies, you are well on your way to setting and achieving your goals while also taking care of your mental well-being. May you have a happy and healthy New Year!